Best of 2010: You got privacy in my policy! No, YOU got policy in MY privacy!

First posted on July 15, 2010.Guns of Battleship New JerseyMindful always of my civic duty, my unique relation to humanity, and legal webby things, I’ve updated the LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® privacy policy.  Your family can rest secure in the knowledge that the policy is always readily available for your perusal, as well as for bar mitzvahs, etc., merely by clicking the pressure-sensitive link at left.

But as a public service, I’m reprinting the updated policy as a post.  The public service being it’s a new way to recycle material no one has really seen so that you, the public, won’t complain so much about the service.  (Much less the portions!) — RDC

Privacy Policy

The LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® blog respects the privacy of its readers and correspondents.  Of course this is an abstraction, because LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® cannot “respect” or do anything.  So that means I (which is me, Ron Coleman) do these things, and indeed I will use the name of the blog and my name (Ron Coleman, remember?) interchangeably here.

If you do not understand what you just read above please read no further and navigate to some other website forever.  You might like this.

Anyway, yeah, we, I, it respect / respects everyone’s privacy, of course.  Now, below is a list of the sort of personal information, already pretty much available to everyone on earth if you use the Internet, but which if you make available to LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® when browsing or navigating the site will be kept confidential unless you give me permission to release it, subject to this policy:

  • First and last name
  • Company, home, postal or other physical address
  • Other contact information, for example, telephone number, fax number, email address, and other similar information
  • Title or position in a company or an organization
  • Occupation
  • Industry
  • Personal interests
  • Any other information needed to provide a service you requested

How would I find this stuff out?  Well, scenarios where visitors provide their personal information include, but may not be limited, to:

  • Emailing, calling or communicating with me.
  • Posting a question or comment through the site.
  • Requesting literature.
  • Registering to attend a seminar or any event.
  • Participating in an online survey.
  • Requesting inclusion in an email or other mailing list.
  • Submitting an entry for a contest or other promotions.
  • Any other business-related reason.
  • Any other reason, of course.  Well, obviously.

Dog in judge's chambers, EDNY (Cadman Plaza)LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® provides you the opportunity to agree or decline to provide your personal information via the Internet.  LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® will inform you of the purpose for any such collection.  I do not intend to transfer your personal information to third parties without your consent, except under the limited conditions described under the bit entitled “Information Sharing and Disclosure” below.

If you do choose to provide LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® with your personal information, I may make use of that information for any permitted purpose described here. I am far more likely to ignore it, however, in the unlikely event its existence ever becomes known to me.  It’s all I can do to keep track of my kids’ birthdays.

Domain and Server Information Collection

LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® may collect domain and server information to enable people who can explain it to me who uses this site and how, though they will probably have to repeat themselves several times.  This data, when it is available, enables me to kind of figure out who some of the people who visit the site might be, how often they visit, and what parts of the site they visit most often.  I use this information to improve my “Web-based offerings,” if you will; for client development; to assess and implement revenue options such as advertising; and, where appropriate, for opposition research in litigation and other legal matters.  Of course I do that.

This information is collected automatically and requires no action on your part. You, your IT manager or your ISP may conceal or obscure this information by use of a number of technological methods, either at your own option and, in some cases, cost, or sometimes without your input at all. Doing so, i.e., masking your server or other identifying information, will not in any way affect your ability to use this site, which I am sure is a huge relief.  Of at least equal importance it will also not affect your ability to have children.  At least there’s no firm proof that it will.

There is one exception to the foregoing:  If your domain or server information is associated with any unauthorized exploits, hacking, malware, spam or other bad Internet things, that server or, in some cases, the entire country where that server is located is likely to be banned from all access to this and site and other affiliated websites and may be reported to third parties such as my Internet hosting service and centralized organizations that monitor and collect information about such activity.  That’s my impotent little attempt to get you back, but it’s mine.

If you believe this has already happened to you in error, please email me and we’ll talk.  Be prepared to explain to me how it could have happened but you’re still reading this, by the way.

Use of Cookies and Tracking User Traffic

Some pages on this site may use “cookies” — small files that the site software places on your hard drive for identification purposes.  A cookie file can contain information such as a user ID to track the pages visited, but the only personal information a cookie can contain is information you supply yourself.  These files are used for customization, including ease of comment posting, the next time you visit LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION®. They are not the Mark of the Beast.

Some parts of the site may also use cookies to track user traffic patterns.  I do this for the same reason that I collect domain and server information, as set forth above.   Cookies cannot read data off of your hard drive.  Your Web browser typically will allow you to be notified when you are receiving a cookie, giving you the choice to accept it or not, or setting either choice as a default.  No, really.

So, if you prefer not to receive cookies while browsing my site, you can set your browser to warn you before accepting cookies and refuse the cookie when your browser alerts you to its presence.  You can also refuse all cookies by turning them off in your browser.   You should know this by now.

But if you’re going to be that way and not accept cookies, there’s just one thing:  Let’s face it, you’re going to pay.  Everything comes out in the end, you know?  Some pages may not work right; you may not be able to get access to certain content on this site; perhaps you will get hives.  On the other hand, it could work out great for you — one man in Sullivan County, New York who did have this experience reports a life-altering improvement in his attitude toward Brussels sprouts.  Anyway, I don’t know which cookies do these things or why but they tell me that is possible.  I’ve never even seen one.  “Cookies”?  What can I do?  I try my best.  Did I mention my surgery from last fall?  No, I mean both.  Surgeries, that is.

Information Sharing and Disclosure

Your personal information is never shared with anyone besides those who work or consult with me, and who maintain your confidentiality on the same terms as those set out here, without your permission, except under conditions listed below:

  • Consenting to share your information to a third party service provider working on our behalf to serve you.
  • Requiring us to provide you with a product or service.

LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® will also disclose your personal information if required to do so by law, or in urgent circumstances, to protect personal safety, the public or. yes, LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION®.

The Belated Party - Jerome ThompsonProtecting the Privacy of Children

You think I have something wrong with me?  I’m suspicious of anyone who’s even reading this section.  But the disclosure part is this:  Children under 13 years old are, surprise, not the target audience for LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION®, which is about grownup things like laws and judges and the Commissioner of Trademarks.  “To protect the privacy” of such youngsters, and because it wants nothing whatsoever to do with any minors not rich in its own prize-winning DNA, LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® does not solicit the readership of,  personal information, or anything at all from other people’s children.

Links to Third Party Sites

This site contains links to other sites, to put it mildly.  While it is hard to fathom why anyone would think otherwise, LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® does not share your personal information with those websites.  So far they haven’t so much as asked for it.  I am not responsible for the privacy practices of other sites you “arrive” at by clicking a link from here.  In fact if that’s the kind of thing that concerns you, definitely go do some serious research on the privacy policies of those other websites right away.  No, you don’t have to get back to me.  That’s certainly not something I have ever done.  It’s bad enough that you’re even reading this one.

Changes to this Privacy Policy

LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® reserves the right to change, modify or update this policy at any time without affirmative notice to you, because doing so is impractical and preposterous.  It is possible that I could make substantial changes in the way I use your personal information.  By way of example, but without limitation, I may choose to recast this disclosure in iambic pentameter or render it into Klingon — a distinct possibility that depends solely on the future prospects of my keeping the lid on my simmering black rage.

In such an event, however, any change will be posted on this site in a timely fashion to accomodate those who will not have already been advised of it through screaming tabloid headlines, street demonstrations or the Emergency Broadcast System.

If you have questions or concerns about this Privacy Policy, you may click here to email them to me and I will respond brilliantly as soon as I pick myself off the floor, still numb with astonishment.

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Author:Ron Coleman

I write this blog.

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